Pick Yourself First for the Team

I remember that feeling of waiting to be picked. It didn’t matter if we were playing rounders, skipping games, or forming a team for a class project. It was much easier in a group of friends, although there was always competition there too. As I got older, I cultivated an outwardly confident, capable persona. Given the choice, I almost always chose to work alone, unless I could work with people I knew and trusted. But mostly, when it came to teamwork, I’d generally wait to be picked.

Removing the Filter

Living in India in my early 20s, I had a friend who was a Sufi and crystal healer. (We’ve since lost touch.) I’m unsure about this type of mystical practice, but I was curious and had him do a crystal reading for me. He said that I was too cautious, and at some point, I would have to stop watching the world go by and jump into the fray. I could have dismissed him but there’s nothing my brain likes better than to find something to ruminate on. This has stayed with me, and I continuously (and not always successfully) try to encourage myself to be less of a lurker/onlooker and more of a contributor.

Pick Your Team

Living fully means picking yourself first. It means deciding when and if you want to be part of a team. It’s not always an honor to receive an invitation to join a team or you might wait for an invitation that never comes. If you want to be part of a team, pick yourself first. This means going after the job you want, the relationship you wish you had, the home, friends, family you wish for. I don’t pretend that pick yourself because I’m still on this journey myself.

I live in a country where I have no biological family. So to me, the most important team to cultivate is a family, people who will look out for me and who I will care for. It takes a lot of attention and intention; it takes work to create that type of team. For years, I’ve waited to be picked, the be invited to events and clubs. I’ve been careful to avoid rejection. But when you’re trying to create a team, a close-knit group of people that you can trust, it demands vulnerability. It demands you make overtures of friendship, asking for what you want, being a friend, making yourself available, starting your own team.

If you want a team of your own, find one that you want to join or create one of your own. I’m not saying it’s easy. In fact, as a woman who’s just past 40, I find it incredibly challenging. But guess what, you’re not the only one out there looking for a connection. Pick yourself by figuring out what it is you want, and then take that first step by reaching out to someone else to help you achieve your wish. You may even find that you’re happy to go it alone.

Waiting to get picked is a form of hiding, not realism.

‘Pick yoursef’ and taking responsibility, Seth Godin

During April, I’m participating in the writing prompts challenge from WordPress.com. Want to participate? Find the prompts here.

Featured image credit: Hans-Peter Gauster