Last updated on October 6, 2020
Fleishman Is In Trouble is a book by Taffy Brodesser-Akner. The Fleishmans is a family of four: dad Toby, mom Rachel, children Hannah and Solly.
This post is mostly a review, with few spoilers. If you want all the details, including the ending, see this post.
Part 1: Fleishman is In Trouble
The first Fleishman we meet is Toby. He has recently discovered the world of online dating after one of his residents installed an app for him. Online dating may be a misnomer though, because most of the people he meets are looking for a hookup whether online or in person.
Soon, there is a kink in Toby’s life. His wife, who he’s going through a ugly divorce with, drops off the children while he’s asleep, using her spare key. He didn’t expect the children until the next day, and needs to change his plans. When the weekend ends and Rachel still doesn’t pick up the children as expected, that throws Toby’s life into disarray.
Toby’s Career
Toby is a hepatologist, a doctor. Over the years, he structured his career so that he is the primary caregiver. When Rachel disappears, he takes some time off to spend with his children and then arranges childcare for them. He struggles to choose between spending time with his children, and his newly discovered “playdates”. He’s angry that Rachel has left him with this quandary.
Toby has a patient with a rare disease. While caring for the patient, he also studies the family, curious to see if he can find the anger and discontent he’s experienced in his own marriage. He believes that it is important to “listen to the patient” to find out what’s wrong with them. Through this storyline, he learns that things aren’t always what they seem in other people’s lives. In some ways, what’s happening in his own life mirrors his patient’s. Toby loves his job and is compassionate with patients and their family. He’s relaxed with his interns because he wants them to like him, although he’s been struggling a bit since the separation. In contrast to his behavior at work, he can be self-centered with friends and family.
The College Years
For the first 1/2 of the book, the writing is from Toby’s perspective. We revisit his college years to meet Seth and Libby, friends he met while on a year abroad in Israel during their junior years.. He reconnected with them once he and Rachel decided to separate. Seth is single, enjoying the life of a bachelor. Libby has a husband, Adam, and two children and lives in the suburbs, in New Jersey.
While a lot has changed between college and their life at the point when they reconnect, the three friends travel back through their reminisces, rediscovering some of the freedom from their youth. Through these conversations and remembrances, they each rediscover themselves and their lives.
Part 2: God, What an Idiot He Was
Part two takes us back in time. We see Toby as a short, chubby child who eventually lost the weight, spurred on by his mom. In college, he didn’t have much luck dating until he met Rachel. That was was a turning point in his life. Her drive and ambition helped him become more successful.
Rachel and Toby built a family together. We get a chance to build some empathy for Rachel, for what she went through during childbirth. But that physical birth channeled another birth in her life, one of her own choosing and creation.
When Toby runs into some ladies who’ve seen Rachel in the park, he decides to try to track her down. He goes to her apartment and enters with his key; the lock is still the same from when he lived there. Although he doesn’t find her, he finds evidence to support the story that he’s told himself. It’s still Toby’s story.
Through Libby, we get to see another dimension of Toby. After listening to Toby talk, there is no space for Libby. The conversation revolves around him and his problems, and he is blind to other people’s problems.
“… I couldn’t remember a time when he’d {Toby] sat and listened to me. Even back then, our conversations were only ever about him and his insecurities. I always felt privileged for being told them, and I felt the role I played was someone who he recognized was equally lost. But now I was considering that maybe I was just a warm body.”
Libby
Seth also becomes three dimensional through his interactions with Toby and Libby, particularly with Libby’s perspective. He likes to party and have fun, as he always did. But he’s also coming to terms with adulthood and what it means.
Part 3: Rachel Fleishman Is in Trouble
Despite believing “listen to the patient”, Toby doesn’t notice what’s going on with his friends and family. He doesn’t understand Rachel’s needs. He also missed that Seth was depressed while Rachel realized it the first time she met Seth years ago. It’s only when Toby reconnects with Seth that he realizes Seth’s isolation. Be had been too busy being jealous of Seth before.
Being a Woman
After years writing for a man’s magazine, Libby realizes that her story has changed, and she needs to find a way to tell it. She quits working at the magazine and decides to write a book.
“I realized that all humans are essentially the same, but only some of us, the men, were truly allowed to be that without apology.”
Libby
Libby makes some profound observations to Seth and Toby. She knows best about stories, and labels. Although she is talking to Seth about wives, the message seems applicable to Toby.
“You look at your wife and you’re not really looking at someone you hate. You’re looking at someone and seeing your own disabilities and your own disfigurement. You’re hating your creation. You’re hating yourself.”
Libby
When Rachel comes back, she runs into Libby. She gets to tell her side of the story, what has happened to her and where she’s been. Libby and Rachel are on a similar journey, recognizing how the world doesn’t make space for women to be themselves.. Libby is able to see Rachel, to allow her some comfort and solace.
“It was official. She was unacceptable; an illegitimate kind of person. Her success made her poison. Her weakness made her poison. There was no one for her.”
Rachel
… when you did outearn and outpace, when you did exceed all expectations, nothing around you really shifted. You still had to tiptoe around the fragility of a man…
Libby
Final Verdict
I found myself asking which Fleishman is really in trouble. Who deserves the most empathy and understanding? Toby gets well over half of the book; this is further evidence of a point that Libby makes, that a woman is always somehow less than a man.
The big question explored in Fleishman Is In Trouble is what does it mean to be okay, to be happy? Where and how do we find meaning and a sense of belonging? The world treats men and women differently, and it’s up to each person to find their place. It comes down to not only opportunity, but also choice.
Fleishman Is In Trouble explores the nature of wanting and belonging. Neither Toby nor Rachel find success in escape. They have to be honest and vulnerable to be seen and to have the chance of getting what they need.
I give Fleishman Is In Trouble 4 stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
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