A Woman is No Man Book Review

Last updated on October 6, 2020

A Woman is No Man is written by Etaf Rum. This story infuriated me. When I read a book, I’m most interested in the story, and this one centers on three generations of women.

The Mother – Isra

A Woman is No Man tells the story of three generations of people who are Palestinian-Americans. It focuses on the women, starting with Isra, who must leave her family in Palestine in 1990 to move to America. This happens in a whirlwind, from an arranged marriage with Adam after only briefly meeting him, to moving to Brooklyn to live with him and his family. She didn’t want to get married but she was hopeful to find love in her marriage, from her husband and his family.

It’s very clearly defined to Isra that her role as a woman is to marry and have children. This is the message that she receives from her society and her mother. The baton moves to her mother-in-law, Fareeda, who insists that she has to get pregnant right away, to give her husband sons.

Fareeda has 3 kids by the time she is 19. The judgement of the family and ill-treatment of her husband isolates her and she becomes depressed. It doesn’t help when her sister-in-law comes to live with the family. Where Isra is quiet and unassuming, Nadine is bold. Their marriages could not be more different as well.

Over time, Isra questions her destiny. She wonders why God is punishing her. The only time she gets to leave the house is with her husband or her in-laws and never outside of the neighborhood. She may be in America, but it’s a very small slice.

The Mother-in-Law – Fareeda

Fareeda came to the US as a refugee. While living in a refugee camp near Ramallah, she did her greatest act of rebellion, standing up to her husband. When they save enough money, they bought plane tickets to move the family to the US.

Fareeda is tough on Adam. She has strong, clear ideas about what it means to be an Arab, and the oldest son. She resists the Americanization of her family, and tries to keep everyone in their correct role. She knows that a woman’s lot is pain, and that the husband has the right to beat his wife. She is careful not to spoil her daughter in law and to ensure that she plays the proper role of wife and daughter in law.

The Daughter – Deya

Isra was happy when Deya was born, and she gave her a name that means light. At 18, Deya is about to graduate high school and Fareeda has started arranging for her to meet suitors for her arranged marriage. Deya wants to go to college, but the family doesn’t accept that as an option. She keeps scaring off her suitors, but one of them gets close enough for her to learn that there is a secret in her family. This, combined with a letter from a stranger, takes her down a different path.

We see Deya embark on a journey of discovery. As she learns about her parents, she also learns about herself and finds a way to define a new path for herself within her Arab-American family.

Summary

Destiny is a strong theme in A Woman is No Man. It is also about family, culture, mental health, identity, domestic abuse, secrets. The secrets in this book are big, powerful. They hold and squeeze. But the characters find a way to share and release some of the tension.

Some parts of A Woman is No Man feel a bit repetitive to me, but isn’t that how life is sometimes? I’ve certainly had the same conversation over and over again when grappling with resolving a life crisis. It’s no different here. I said that this book infuriated me. That’s because of the shame and fear instilled in generations of women. Is there a woman alive who has not been shamed by virtue of her gender?

I felt that there were some inconsistencies in the characters, and some parts of the story didn’t grip me. It’s a personal choice, but I recommend this book. Read it not to understand Arab-American culture, as it’s a single story, but rather to understand the experience of some people. It’s not the whole solved puzzle, but a piece of it.

I give A Woman is No Man 4 stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️