“My colleague thinks it would be easier if you straightened your hair.” If you happen to meet a woman with kinky or curly natural hair, don’t give her this unsolicited advice!
My Hair Journey
As a child, I straightened my hair with a hot comb and used relaxers since about the age of 11. Strughtening chemicals are so harsh that they can actually burn the scalp and leave a scab behind. Just the price one pays for “beautiful” and “manageable” hair.
My grandma let me straighten my hair to make it easier for me to comb myself. When I started living with me dad, I found out that he disapproved of me straightening my hair because he thought it made me look too grown up. Instead of asking him for money to do something that he disapproved of, I started to grow out my natural hair. I would spend hours braiding it in different styles each week and occasionally wore an afro to school. At other times, I’d tie it with a scarf. Then a cousin started living with us and she would comb my hair for me while we talked or while I read a book. That was a great reprieve.
In university, the pattern continued until my cousin moved out and I didn’t have anyone at home to braid my hair for me. I’d didn’t want to go back to putting chemicals in my hair and was learning about black history and repressive beauty ideals.
Growing up in St. Lucia, there was the concept of “good hair”. The closer your hair is to straight or loosely curly, the further along you are on the good hair continuum. A woman’s beauty is tied into her quantity of hair.
So there I was in university, commuting at least 40 mins each way every day. When I had free time, I preferred to read a book instead of doing my hair. One day, I had a few hours between classes and had the brainstorm that I could cut my hair and have it be more manageable. I knew of some black barber shops in downtown Ottawa that I could walk to from the Mathematics Department building where I spent most of my time.
I remember walking into the barber shop full of men and explaining that I wanted to have my hair cut. Th barber asked me several times
if I was sure and I assured him that I was. I had no misgivings as the clipper started to shave my hair away. It felt so nice to touch my hair when the barber was done. I loved it even more when I didn’t have to comb my hair or worry about it when leaving home in the morning!
A Variety of Hair Styles
I’ve kept my hair at various lengths since since that first haircut. When I lived in India, I often used my dupatta to tie my head. I also got it braided by an African lady a few times, But mostly, I wore it in a plaits that I did myself.
In Sudan, I thought I could easily get my hair cut since there were black barber shops, but then realized that I couldn’t visit them in a Muslim society. I would get my hair cut when I travelled. I remembered visiting the barber in Tanzania, while waiting to start a safari.
In Japan, I went to the hairdresser twice. The first time was for a trim at a Japanese hairdresser who worked with curly hair. The other time, I went to a black hairdresser for braid extensions. All the hairdressers who work at the salon were interested in touching my hair. However, the hairstyle was expensive and poorly done.
I’ve never enjoyed wearing extensions. The longest I’ve worn them was for 1 month while at math camp at University of Washington while in high school. Otherwise, I can’t stand them after 2 weeks. I tried a weave once and I couldn’t stand the feel of that either. I took it out after 2 weeks.
Off and on, I’ve used a chemical “texturizer” on my hair. It’s another chemical option to change the structure of the hair. Nowadays, I wear my hair in one plait, or let it do whatever it wants in an afro. I often think of cutting it but I still fight the childhood conditioning that hair is important for beauty.
Last week, I went to a chain salon in Madrid for a wash and conditioning. I figured that this would be fine as long as they used hair care products without sulfates and other baddies. The last thing I expected the hairdresser to tell me is that I should straighten my hair! If I don’t ask for your opinion, just do what I’m paying you for, and don’t suggest that I change the essential structure or my hair! That’s as offensive as telling me to shave my widow’s peak (which I also get sometimes).
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